We have all had them - those memorable we would like to forget and pretend it never happened dates. Most of the dates arranged from online meetings are blind, often making us wish we were blind. Anyway, send me yours via e-mail and I will publish it here. I suppose it is only fitting and proper that I should get the ball rolling, or the story told as it were. Enjoy and as always, may happiness dwell within your realm.
My worst date was with a guy I had corresponded with online. I responded to an e-mail and that was one time I should have told my myself "be still my fingers". I sent a simple 'hi, how are you?' I got a two page e-mail response. There was just no way to deal with this via e-mail, so in my infinite wisdom I suggested we meet. He lived quite a distance away and we agreed on lunch at a local Olive Garden restaurant.
I was running late because my kid took my pants out of the dryer to dry his - the more important of the two, right? As always with a blind date you are taking a big chance in not recognizing each other but I sent a pic. I arrived about five minutes late and introduced myself. I even extended my hand since a hug seemed out of the question. He barely spoke. We were seated and our conversation was monosyllabic. Two bad signs already.
When the server arrived to take our orders I placed mine first, he ordered his and the wine. At this point the conversation had yet to commence. I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable but I knew that space being what it was in the booth, any movement on my part may have indicated that I was being eaten by my thong, so I sat deathly still and he remained deathly quiet. Finally I simply could not take the silence any longer and I said, "If there is something wrong you should tell me because I was only five minutes late." He then proceeded to tell me how utterly interesting he found my chest. (what a play on words folks) I hate it when that happens. Then he began effusing about how he couldn't believe his luck. I didn't have the nerve to tell him that I was the chocolate reincarnation of Lizzie Borden. I wanted so badly to leave but I kept thinking what would Emily Post say?
Like the trooper I am, I stayed and over the next 2 1/2 hours he told about his high maintenance schoolteacher wife who had made his life miserable from the time they arrived at the altar. At this point it crossed my mind that isn't this the reason the officiant asks if anyone can show just cause...? I personally always thought this was the escape clause; just tuck tail and slink away. He went on to relate of how they lived in a house he could ill afford on Long Island and the terrible physical and emotional toll the years with her had taken.
At the behest of his family and friends he had decided to try his hand at an affair. OK guys you know how this works and you are hoping like hell that it does work for you when you meet the dream girl. In his case the dream girl turned out to be a stripper which whom he engaged in a 42 week simultaneous relationship which included lots and lots of hot passionate, albeit "illicit" sex. (Is there such a thing?) His gargantuan mistake had been in telling little miss tits and ass that he was leaving his wife for her. Do the math folks, 42 weeks is about 10 1/2 months. One weekend she informed him that she would be unavailable for the next two weeks and that their regularly scheduled lustfully decadent encounters would have to be postponed. When he arrived for their next tryst she informed him that she had tied the knot with a guy who frequented her place of employment.
Depressed, dejected and deflated - unable to have sex since the devastating event, (way too much info for me) he went online and as luck would have it I was the only one who responded. After dinner (now I was really beginning to hate myself - pigging out, gaining weight and dispensing free advice...well I guess the dinner was payment of a source) he thought it would be a good idea to walk the mall. Over the next hour he recounted a trip to Belgium. I was so cold from the extreme air conditioning and so miserable and he was so boring that I actually fell asleep two or three times during his story. He was so engrossed he never noticed. I was in no way trying to be rude or inattentive, but I could have planned a trip to Belgium and gotten there in the length of time it took him. I heard about flight delays, the wrong hotel rooms and his wife's incessant bitching.
The highlight (?) of this date was a tour of the Wal-Mart where I worked. (Does this tell you anything? Even I did the Wally world thing once upon a time) I introduced him to all 100 or more styles of bras in the department that I ran. C'mon - me and bras, a perfect match right? I even worked at Vickie's Secret but that's another story. I never wanted to see my humble abode so desperately.
Finally, blessedly, joyously and not a millisecond too soon, it was almost over. However, there was the thank you for everything and I hope like hell never to see you again kiss to get through. Oy vey! This guy should never stay out past 5 o'clock because his beard didn't realize he was on a date. The kiss was like locking lips with a sandpaper coated frog. As he drove me back to my car his final words have remained with me until today, "I would like to see you again." Now it was my turn to be strangely silent. I did mutter that I would send him an e-mail to let him know I arrived home safely.
As luck would have it my computer was as dead a doornail when I arrived home so I didn't get to say "thanks for a lovely evening". Of course there was no second date.
She was a whacked out psycho, but hid it from me while we were dating. She convinced me to push the wedding up to a much shorter time than I really wanted, but I went along with it. Three days later, the mask came off. She hated most of what I was passionate about and went on a campaign to destroy all my relationships. I asked her why she deceived me, and she said she knew I wouldn't marry her if I knew what she was really like. She was right. It baffled me then and continues to baffle me that a woman would trick a man into marrying her and then think it would be acceptable. I tried to make the best of it, but three years was all i could take. And we spent most of that time living apart. What a nightmare!
Marsha, Have I Got One For You That May Even Shock You!
I Met This Woman One Night At A Dance For Meeting New People With Hopes People Would Hook Up And date. There Were Many Very Beautiful Women To Choose From And I Happened To Have Caught A Particular One Out Of The Corner Of My Eye. Upon Seeing Her I Approached Her And Asked To Dance With Her. We Danced For About Three Hours Getting Very Intimate With Her And Very Sexually Attracted To One Another. I Asked Her If She Wanted To Get Some drinks And dinner With Me. She (Shervita) Agreed And We Went And Wined And Dined! It Was Getting Sensuously Hot And The Sexual Fervor Was Thick. She Invited Me Back To Her Place In Little Chicago. Once There The Heat Elevated Beyond Belief Making My Male Member Do The Hip Hop Of The Century! I Explained To Her With All The Sweating That Had Occurred During The Evening I Needed To Freshen Up Before We Had Sex. When I Returned From The Bathroom, This Is The Part That Will Get You! She Was Having Sex With Her Doberman Pincher! A Dog Marsha, A Dog! I'm Not Bragging But I Am Pretty Well Hung And Could Have Pleased Her Much More Than The Dog! When Asked What The Hell She was Doing, She said; "I'm Warming Up For You!" Not Needing To Tell You More, I Went Home Quickly And Shamed By What I Had Seen, And To Think I Almost Slew The Kitty Cat Metaphorically Speaking! I Told You That You Wouldn't Believe It!
i met a woman but she was absolute different than in her foto .i asked her about and she told me that she was a friend of my friend i was excepting for.She was very busy so she send a substitute woman,a matter of representer.Now i wonder how sincere are all this profiles.The pleasant sight of the story was that i had a narrow contact with the second woman,in this time there isnt a reality to
THIS IS A GOOD NE.I WAS DRIVING MY SEMI THROUGH HOUSTON AND THIS GIRL WANTED A RIDE TO L.A.WELL I PICKED HER UP AND SHE WAS LOOKING GOOD.WE STARTED DOWN THE HIGHWAY AND SHE UNZIPPED MY PANTD AND STARTED EATING LUNCH.SHE WANTED ME TO PULL IN THE REST AREA BECAUSE SHE WANTED MORE.SHE HAD A BLANKET AND WANTED TO MAKE LOVE UNDER THE STARS.I STARTED TO SLIDE HER PANTIES DOWN AND A NICE BREEZE BLEW.IWAS JUST GETTING READY TO PUT IT IN WHEN I SMELLED THIS TERRIBLE ODOR.THANK GOD THE WIND BLEW IN MY FACE.WHAT AN EXPIERENSE.THATS ONE BOX THAT I DIDN'T FILL WITH NO REGRETS.THERE YOU ARS SMITTY___________________________________
I had a date once and when i picked her up as she came out the door her wig got caught in the chain that was attached to the door and her wig lifted off and Ohhh boy!! She got it together and walked down the stairs and slipped and broke her heel. She went back inside and changed shoes and came back out and was getting in the car and was splashed by a passing car. She was soaked to the bone. She went back inside to change and her beeper went off and she had to respond to a job emergency...
I once had a blind date with a girl that I was told was a really nice girl.....Something seemed odd from the begining. She seemed cold right off. I figured she was nervese. I didn't mind it is common to feel that way on a blind date. Well off we went to a concert.. Naturaly it was on me. No problem. Again that was thye right thing to do. Making a long story short. She wanted to go to the concert. And I was the means to an end. Got the cold shoulder all night. And as soon as the concert was over. She turned into a snorting hog. I couldn't wait to get over with the date. A week later. The lady who introduced us. Told me she was never going to set me up again...Man was I glad to hear that....LOL...
