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This is the page where I answer your questions. I will answer each one and post as many as space allows. Your anonymity will always be maintained.
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Dear Lady Marsha,
I have been on so many dating websites I have lost count. Please tell me how a very good man can find a very good woman. I am so tired of head games, gold diggers and just plain mean spirited women. All I want is one good woman. Help! - Jerald D., Hartford, CT
Dear Jerald, If I knew the answer to that question I would not only be rich but also permanently endeared to men forever. The "secret" per se is to actually meet people. If a profile catches your eye, make contact and arrange to meet, sooner than later. Ask good questions and pay close attention to the answers. Listen to what the person is saying and not what you want to hear. May happiness dwell within your realm. - TLM
Dear Lady M, I have a problem. I have been dating my girlfriend for about ten months. She says she is in love with me. I am not a shallow or callous guy but I do not love her that way. We have a great relationship, go places together, the sex is great and we have a lot in common. I can't say that I will never love her, I just don't love her now. What should I do.? - Lawrence T., Fort Campbell, KY
Dear Lawrence, This is not a situation I am unfamiliar with. That particular "L" word evokes so many emotions within a person. As you know I consider sincere affection better than false love anyday, however, my answer to you is this: within the context of a relationship, certainly one that you wish to continue, the appropriate response when someone says they love you and you cannot return the sentiment, is simply thank you. A follow up hug or kiss would be nice, but remember, it is an honor to be loved and it should never feel like an obligation to love. May happiness dwell within your realm. - TLM
Dear Lady Marsha, As an old visitor I just want to say what a great site this has become. I love the new look and the great tunes playing here. Where did you find that pigeon song? Too funny. The new pics are a very nice touch. - Lindsey C., Wilmington, DE
Dear Lindsey, Everything old is new again! Thanks for the kudos. As for the pigeon song, someone close to me likes that song for sentimental reasons. Hmm isn't that the name of a song also? Take care and thanks for coming back to visit. As always, may happiness dwell within your realm. - TLM
Dear Lady Marsha, I need advice about toys. I have never used them and I have a new partner who is very adventurous. Thanks. - Liz W., Silver Spring, MD
Dear Liz, First decide how you want to use them. Basics should include some sort of clitoral stimulator, cock rings, anal bead vibrators and your basic standard straight vibe of an appropriate width and girth. Depending on how adventurous also include a strap-on device of some sort. One of my personal recommendations is the Screaming O cock ring. Do an online search for sex toys. Adam and Eve is a very good place to start. Happy adventures and thank you for visiting my site. Take care and may happiness dwell within your realm. - TLM
Dear Lady Marsha, What can I do to get my wife to touch me there? She always pulls back and I am only allowed to get her off orally. No penetration is allowed. I always have to take care of myself and I am getting tired of it. It is going on fifteen years now. I have never had an affair but I feel like if I have to beat off one more time I will lose it. Can you help? - Eugene, Albuquerque, NM
Dear Dear Eugene, Would that I could. In my book you should be nominated for sainthood. If your wife refuses to touch your penis and only allows you access to her clitoris for fifteen years you have absolutely no reason to expect a change in her thinking. Obviously you have no children. My main question is why? Why do you tolerate this and why are you abusing your poor instrument of delight so? I am going to catch so much flack over this but for the sake of your manhood, trade in those raisins you are carrying around and grow a substantial pair of gonads. Have an affair and make certain the new object of your desire is very much into intercourse and reciprocal oral sex. It is my sincere wish that you will soon find fulfilling orgasmic relief and that happiness will soon dwell within your realm. Take care and be well my friend. - TLM
Dear Ms Lady Marsha, My husband is a perverted sex freak. All he ever talks about or thinks about is "getting off". I am a respectable God fearing woman who doesn't mind doing the nasty every now and then as long as the lights are out, but he wants me to watch dirty movies and listen to dirty stories. I don't approve of this behavior. Sylvia D., Hartford,Ct.
Dear Sylvia, Do you ever get totally naked during sex? Relax a little, turn on the lights and watch. You may enjoy it. Doing the nasty? Is this what you think of making love? I don't think the church will punish you for watching a movie and your husband sounds perfectly normal. You may want to seek the services of a counselor to help put things into perspective. Lighten up a little and may happiness dwell within your realm. - TLM
Dear Lady M, I want to have an affair and I don't know where to start. Can you help? - William C., Perth Amboy, NJ
Dear William, First decide what type of an affair and be very clear about it. Next decide what you bring to the table in terms of emotional and physical availability. What type of partner would complement your personality- quirks and all. Write it down for future use when you create a profile. Next choose a dating site that meets your requirements in terms of expense and exposure. It helps if you have a recent picture and since you are obviously married or otherwise encumbered, discretion is a must. If you need more assitance contact me via e-mail. Best of luck to you and may you one day find happiness within your realm. - TLM
Dear Lady Marsha, My name is Susan and I wrote to you over a year ago about my situation. I am now 48 years old and still tired of it all. I considered your advice but I still do not like sex and I still try very hard to make my husband miserable. I tell him how much I love him but I don't. I never did. I still try to force him to leave so I won't lose so much in a divorce. His affair continues even though I do my best to control his time. Somehow he still manages sneaky sex. I suppose there are a lot of needy desperate women out there who will put up with anything from a married man. I will never leave or get a divorce. I told you that my original reason for writing was to let people know that there are a lot of women like me, bitches really who force their men out there. My husband is not a bad man, he just thinks of nothing but sex and I am his cold fish wife who blocks the path to being happy for him. Basically nothing has changed. Whoever the slut is, she deserves him. I saw the new pics here and women like you make it worse. - Susan F., San Diego, CA
Dear Susan, Wow. Such harsh words! I suppose I should start by saying my pictures don't encourage men to have affairs, their wives do that and you seem to be a prime example. You still seem to be in a great deal of emotional pain and spewing more venom than ever. I don't understand your jealousy, anger or reluctance to get a divorce. If your husband is still involved with another woman (I take a dim view of derogatory labels) then obviously your attempts at control are less than successful so why do you insist on doing that? Eventually he will grow a pair and stand up to you. I say the sooner the better. You need lots of therapeutic counseling. I wish you well and your husband better. At some point it is my wish that happiness dwells within your realm. - TLM
Dear Lady M, I ran across your site yesterday and thought I would write. My wife and I have been having troubles for almost fifteen years now. It seems motherhood and sex didn't work for her. I am a man with needs so I joined a dating website about three years ago. For the past year I had been writing to a woman whom I really wanted to meet. She wrote the hottest cyber you have ever read. Finally our schedules allowed us to meet. We planned a very romantic dinner and walk afterwards. I was so nervous all day trying to figure out how I could pull it off. Then my wife told me that she was meeting her girlfriends and the kids were at her mom's. I arrived at the restaurant a little early. I told the maitre'd who I was and that I was expecting a guest. The "guest" and "mystery woman" turned out to be my wife! My evening was totally ruined. Neither of us had any idea we were talking to each other and we got into a huge argument. Now I want a divorce. Any comments? -Robert E., Syracuse, NY
Dear Robert, In a way I find this amusing. Your cold fish wife turned into a hot enchilada on the internet of all places. I'm sure you don't want a divorce because she was the mystery woman. Are you upset because she is looking for someone else? Try counseling first and then decide. In the meantime don't talk to anyone online for an extended period of time without arranging a meeting. Better to be disappointed sooner than later. Thanks for the letter and may happiness dwell within your realm. - TLM
Dear Lady Marsha, I wish you were my lady! I am 56 and for the first time in my life I am experiencing difficulty sustaining an erection. I have tried all of the popular drugs and nothing works. My wife recently laughed at me when I tried making love to her because of this. I tried oral sex but she just kept giggling. It was such a turn-off. I stopped and went off to myself to see if I could get hard on my own amd take care of myself but it didn't work. I am angry and frustrated and I have no idea what to do about it. - James T., Columbus,Oh
Dear James, As an avowed advocate for men I find your wife's behavior emasculating and deplorable. Perhaps a visit to your doctor for some tests and blood work is in order. Many of my readers would say your wife is your problem and in this case I tend to agree. There is more going on here than erectile dysfunction. First the doctor, then a counselor and maybe then a lawyer. Keep me posted and may happiness dwell within your realm. - TLM
Dear Lady Marsha, You think so highly of men! Let me tell you about my husband. We have been married 20 years. I suppose we both got out of it what we were looking for. He got free sex, I got a house, kids, car, good life. He had a vasectomy and that turned me off completely and our sex life went downhill fast. I recently discovered that my husband is having an affair. How do I get out of this without losing my financial security? - Pam J., Roanoke, Va
Dear Pam, You aren't going to like anything I have to say here. You never mentioned that you loved your husband so I am guessing you had something of an agenda when you met and later married. You are blaming everything on the fact that he had a vasectomy but in reality you sound like a woman who didn't and doesn't like sex very much. You never mentioned how many kids you have but I suspect you have as many or more than he felt you could afford. Did you want more in an attempt to tie him down longer? You are very materialistic and rather than work towards saving the marriage you are more concerned with how many spoils you can make off with in a divorce. If you do pursue this course, he is lucky to be rid of you. May happiness one day dwell within his realm. - TLM
Dear Lady Marsha, I need help. My problem is my wife. Things have been getting progressively worse over the last few yers. There is uncomfortable space between us. She walks past me and literally acts as if I am not there. We rarely share the bed and when we do there is no sex, except quick guilty sex once in a very long while, and that is terrible. I suggested counseling and she refused. I held out as long as I could. I didn't want to cheat but I needed to do something for myself. I tried discussing the situation and she either ignores me, gets up and leaves the room or says why don't I understand that she loves me but is no longer interested in sex the way I am. I am so hurt by all of this and I don't understand it at all. I respect her as the mother of my children but I don't love her. If she decided to end it I would be fine but for some reason I can't or don't know how. I met someone a year ago that I am in a comfortable relationship and I want to continue. I don't want to lose her this woman but I feel like I am losing myself. - Marc T., Rochester, NY
Dear Marc, Let's tackle this issue by issue. You don't say how old your wife is but there are seveal reasons that women lose interest in sex. Some are correctable and others not. If she was never really interested in it there is little that can be done and the fact that you said she was not amenable to counseling confirms her lack of interest in intimacy. As to the affair - there is no reason for you to feel guilty. You aren't depriving your wife of anything she valued, so relax and enjoy it. It seems as if your lady friend knows what the situation is so you are lucky there. As to how long it can continue under the constraints is debatable. Ending a marriage is a traumatic experience, emotionally and financially, however, the useless waste of time waiting for someone to "come around" is even worse. At some point we need to live for ourselves no matter how selfish that seems to other people. You need to consider consulting a divorce financial planner and an attorney. Good luck my friend and as always may happiness soon dwell within your realm. - TLM
Dear Lady Marsha, My husband is having an affair. I don't care so much about me but about my kids. I don't work so I don't have money to live on my own. We have been married for 18 years and I lost interest in sex years ago. Our kids are 13 and 15. I don't want a divorce but it hurts that he is cheating and I am afraid he will leave me for her. Is there anything I can do? - Mary S., Philadelphia, PA
Dear Mary, I'm confused. You say that your husband is having an affair because you lost interest in intimacy. If this is true why is it hurting you and what exactly is he cheating you out of? Have you confronted him about the affair and if not why? It appears that the lines of communication were severed some time ago. You mention your inability to support yourself financially. It sounds like you are using him for a security blanket and financial safety net and no one likes to be used. You need to secure employment for yourself to help support yourself and your children in the event of a divorce. I strongly recommend that you see a therapist to help you work through your issues. As to what you can do, I don't think you are going to like what I suggest. First, if you are not amenable to counseling, allow him his simultaneous relationship. Put his happiness ahead of your own. You also need to give consideration to the fact that perhaps it is best for all concerned to end the marriage. Your pain as it were is self-created and now he is hurting also. Take care and may happiness one day dwell within your realm. - TLM
Dear Lady M. Wonderful site. It is informative and fun and I love the music! - Becky T., Wheeling, W.Va
Dear Becky, Thank you for your kind words. I try to address as many issues as possible here. May happiness dwell within your realm. - TLM
Dear The Lady Marsha, You are a queen in my book. My problem is I love oral sex - giving and receiving but my girlfriend smells funny down there. What can I do to fix this without offending her? - James B., Atlanta, GA
Dear James, Put together a lover's kit. Include feminine hygiene products, a disposable enema, flavored water based lube and gently scented shower gel. Obviously some of these may be for subterfuge if you are not into anal sex. Take a shower together and then leave her alone with the kit to "get ready" for some hot steamy lovemaking. Compliment her on how "tasty" she is during sex. If this sovles the problem then she needs hygiene education. If it doesn't solve the problem then you you might casually ask if it is time for her annual gyn check-up. There are many reasons for unpleasant feminine odors that range from poor hygiene, to wearing too many layers of clothing, to a localized infection to some systemic problem. Remember, tact at all costs. Good luck my friend and may happiness dwell within your realm. - TLM
Dear Lady Marsha, My boyfriend is 57 and having problems staying hard. It is such a turn off to be in the middle of sex and then nothing. Nothing seems to work. Any suggestions?- Catherine J., Akron, OH
Dear Catherine, There could be many reasons your boyfriend is experiencing bouts of erectile dysfunction. You don't mention if he is taking blood pressure meds or has diabetes, both of which affect erectile function. A good place to start is a visit to his physician or urologist. In the meantime it is imperative that you be supportive and loving. Try other methods of achieving satisfaction but under no circumstances never ever make derogatory or emasculating remarks. Good luck and take care and may happiness dwell within your realm. - TLM
Dear Lady Marsha, We love the instruction guide for men. It was funny and informative. My husband said he learned a couple of things. We have been married for ten years and our sex life is better than ever. We love what we have seen here so far. Keep it up! - Kelly and David F., Columbus, OH
Dear Kelly and David, This is what I like to hear. The site is meant to be enligtening, entertaining and provocative and I'm glad you enjoy it. Take care and visit often to see the new things that are being added. May happiness continue to dwell within your realm. - TLM
Dear Lady M, Nice pics! I am close to 58 and my "lovely" wife who just turned 45 recently informed me that she is retiring from an active sex life with me. When I asked why she was very vague. Later she said the women in her circle of friends as well as her female family members felt that this was as good a time as any to just "give it up". What the hell does that mean? I am hurt, perplexed, lonely and unhappy. We have two teenagers. I do not know how one "retires" from sex but I do not plan on doing that. I am now online and have met a woman that I am keeping quiet company with. She wants me to spend a night a month with her. This does not appear to be possible at this time. Why I have this misguided sense of propriety is beyond me. I work hard, we have a nice house that I paid for and I am a good dad. I am confused. Can you help? - Joe M., Long Island, NY
Dear Joe, A gentleman until the bitter end is it? I like your choice of words - keeping quiet company with a woman. An announcement of a partner's decision to cease all intimate contact is devastating. Obviously your wife has no concern for your emotional and sexual well being and so while your sense of propriety is admirable, it is an exercise in futility. Do yourself a favor. If you don't want a divorce, get a life around that life and enjoy it. Allow yourself to make lifestyle changes that accommodate you because it is time to be good to yourself. Nurture the relationship you enjoy. If you want to spend the night, spend the night. Take care and may happiness find its way to your realm. - TLM
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